Learning to become Wise
Right now it might feel like you live in a war zone. Your difficult teen is unpredictable, unmanageable and ready to fight you on anything and everything. She thinks she knows everything. You don’t know when the next bomb is going to drop. Nasty comments. Refusal to do as you ask. You feel like you walk on eggshells. You’re also afraid of your own angry reaction which just adds fuel to the fire and makes an already difficult situation worse. And when you react badly, you beat yourself up for being a “bad” parent. It’s a painful cycle that seems impossible to change. Often we're part of the problem because we're reacting from fear, anxiety or frustration which creates a negative reaction from our kid. We can learn to use our "wise" brain and transform dysfunctional patterns.
Building Trust and Connection
When our child is struggling with mental health issues that impact their home and school life, trust and connection may be lost. Your own mental health may be on the line causing you to be more reactive, controlling, anxious etc. Rather than focusing on how to "fix" our kids, we can focus on our relationship to build trust and connection back. We help our kids the most when they know we're their ally not matter how difficult and messy their life is. It’s not going to happen overnight. You’ll need patience with the process, but over time you’ll see amazing outcomes.
As We Change, They Change
We’re conditioned as parents to believe that it’s our kids who need to change and improve. Rarely do we consider our own part in the relationship. We have a huge impact on our teen in how we speak and think about them. We blame them for being overly emotional or hostile, rude or disconnected but we fail to notice how OUR emotions and failure to regulate them contributes to the dynamic.
My biggest issue was my son's school refusal, depression and anxiety. It was creating so much anxiety in me that it was no longer enjoyable being a parent. I so much wanted to control the situation and outcomes, rush things along in a manner that made sense to me. Stevie helped me realize that my child is unique, not broken just learning and developing. You also taught me about possibilities, instead of fixating on the negative which is one outcome, I can fixate or choose to believe something better. She also helped me to remember that my son has his own unique journey and ultimately he has to experience life his way. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all she taught me! I honestly got more from her in terms of guidance and deep work than from any therapist!
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
I was so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone and embraced this amazing experience. I was searching for additional tools to use to build a healthy parenting foundation. Stevie helped me realize that our thoughts are extremely powerful and by just changing the thought in the same situation our action/outcome can be much different. I highly recommend Stevie to any woman struggling with parenting!
I really felt like I was a bad parent. I had good intentions, but they never seemed to pan out. Many nights I cried in frustration by my inability to handle my teenage daughter. I felt like a failure. I was confused, lost and hurt. After working with Stevie, I no longer cry myself to sleep, question my parenting or give in to my daughter’s demands for fear of how she’ll react. It was hard for me to enjoy being a parent, but now my relationship with my daughter is more peaceful and lighthearted. We don’t argue as much and she’s much friendlier. A worthwhile investment!
Before coaching, I felt stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious as a parent. I suffered from a lot of self-doubt and over-managed my children as way to deal with these feelings. This behavior interfered in my relationships with my 2 teens which upset me further because it felt like they were pulling away from me Now I feel like a completely different Mom and woman. I learned how to question all the negative beliefs I had about myself and my parenting. This helped me relax and find much more acceptance of my kids and their behaviors and choices. As a result, there’s a new closeness and connection that I experience with both of my kids. They trust me more. I feel more confident, relaxed and less trapped in negative stories. It’s been life-changing to realize how much of my anxiety, worry and stress was created by my thinking and my unquestioned beliefs. Coaching has really helped me work through my emotions, so I’m more likely to respond instead of reacting. I feel empowered to create the life and relationships I want. It’s been an amazing experience working with Stevie!
Oak Ridge, TN
I have long had mixed feelings about parenting! Parenting my daughter has been a huge learning experience because she’s much different than me, and completely different than her older sister. I’ve found it difficult to parent her without becoming hurt or and frustrated. Working with Stevie helped me be more thoughtful and intentional in my interactions with her. The concepts she taught me helped me to think about how I could have approached and an argument or negative interaction differently to create better outcomes. I feel like I have more tools to address the challenges that will continue to come along. Stevie helped me shift my perspective--to remember the lifelong connection I want to have with my daughter--rather than getting so wrapped up in everyday negative experiences. Coaching with Stevie is a great opportunity to feel more intentional and in control of your own thoughts and actions during what can be a turbulent time in your child’s life. It’s well worth the investment!
Before I began coaching with Stevie, I felt extremely stressed parenting my oldest daughter who felt totally unmanageable. I had to be peacemaker in the family which was exhausting. I experienced so much frustration, worry and helplessness. I was constantly “walking on eggshells”. Working with Stevie taught me how to drop many negative ideas and beliefs about my daughters which helped me deal with them in a new, positive way. I began to feel less anxiety, more acceptance more trust in their life journey. Now I’ve stopped catastrophizing, ruminating about their future, and seeing them as problems that need to be fixed. Wonderfully my daughters and I are now much closer, and we trust each other more. I’m a better parent to my girls--exactly what I wanted from coaching.
How We Relate To Our Child
When we take time to examine ourselves, we notice that we have a lot of negative thoughts about our challenging child. We believe these thoughts are just “observations” about our kid's life and struggles. But, there’s many ways to think about behavior. We respond with thoughts that are conditioned with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” and judgments based on our own upbringing.
These thoughts impact all the ways we show up as a parent with our teen. We think we’re just reacting to our teen as he or she “really is”. The truth is we always view and evaluate their behavior through a filter of conditioned thoughts and beliefs about them. Do these thoughts sound famiar?
“She’s extremely stubborn;” “She’s argumentative and nothing’s ever her fault;” “We butt heads;” “He can be brutally mean;” “He’s lying to me all the time”; “She just has a difficult personality;” “She can be super sweet when she wants something;” “He’s so defiant all the time.”
Coaching Gives You The Tools To Create Change
Therapy seeks to bring clients from a dysfunctional place to a “normal” functioning level and focuses more on emotions and how the client feels. Much time is spent on exploring the historical roots of problems. The therapist is viewed as the expert, and the client is treated as a patient with inherent psychological disorders.
Coaching Is Not Therapy
Coaching is a partnership between coach and client. It offers deep insight and practical tools for change, growth, and understanding to achieve the results you want in your life. You’ll learn the root cause of your difficulties and how to take the steps to transform your life. The coaching process supports the client in transforming belief systems, thought patterns, and behaviors that don’t provide the results they want in life: relationships, career, and overall wellness. I’ve watched clients reach such high levels of personal, interpersonal, and professional life growth.
And all this can be accomplished within a fraction of the time taken with traditional therapy.Let's Talk!